Swine Flu Lock Down
Since April, swine flu has been rapidly spreading throughout the country, affecting humans, sharks and prehistoric dinosaurs alike. Fortunately, we can take comfort in knowing that South is taking the utmost precautions to stop its spread, keeping all bathrooms and doors open well past school hours and constantly restocking its supply of soap and paper towels. The next development, we hear, is to make daily washing of hands a graduation requirement for the class of 2013. Sharing the soap — UPGRADE
Prank crumbles
Crash the computers
In the good old days, students could rely on weekly postponed tests, unfinished worksheets and malfunctioning powerpoints to lighten the workload and relieve stress. But with teachers finally receiving new computers, this long-sought luxury is no longer available. While we are certainly happy for our diligent, dedicated and devoted teachers, we are somewhat disgruntled that the one time the School Committee chose to listen to their complaints was right before finals. Now we’ll have to resort to jamming photocopiers and cutting power chords. Freshly printed packets — DOWNGRADE
Turf takes over
After the school board voted to replace South’s fields with artificial turf three years ago, the city of Newton recently initiated construction, in typical timely fashion. If this construction is at all similar to South’s previous renovations, we can expect lots of dirt, lawsuits and strange men in construction uniforms closing off hallways for days at a time. The problem is that we were kind of getting used to our old fields; sure, soccer players occasionally stubbed their toes on rocks and an outfielder or two periodically disappeared into a giant sinkhole, but the commute to Weeks field for home games eliminated the need for pre-game warm-ups. Greener grass — DOWNGRADE
